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Posted by Lynn

November 7th 2010

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1325947/William-Nicholson-A-mans-view-ultimate-betrayal.html It's not a question really, more a comment on an article by you (see link above). Don't assume women wouldn't be just as eager for fun without consequences. Many of us are able to separate sex and love as easily as you gents. In fact, I have been in an open relationship for nearly 5 years (this is not my first open relationship). That is, we both sometimes see other people for fun but remain a couple because we choose too. Sex really isn't that big a deal to everyone. Recently when a long-married friend found that her husband was cheating, I told her that men are more likely to do so than not, and that getting "a new one" was pointless as the next one would likely do the same thing...and she'd grown to love the one she had already. She has always been one comment on my alternative relationship style with contempt, saying that she wishes I'd "settle down in a normal monagomous relationship," which I counter by asking how many of those in a traditional marriage (including her own) could truly define their relationships as successful when a majority cheat (or wish they could, if discovery and consequences were not a factor). At least my significant other and I are open and honest about what we are doing. And, discussing our perfectly natural interest in others brings us closer together. thanks for the good article

William Nicholson responded:

Thanks for the insight. The amazing thing is how you can just never assume you know what's going on in other people's lives. You're right to tell me not to make assumptions about what women want. All generalisations collapse in the face of real life. This is why telling stories (in my case in novels) is better than writing articles in newspapers. I can know my own characters. I can't know all mankind.

Posted by ian

November 7th 2010

loved your piece m.on.sunday maybe liz jones [mos] should read it totally contradicts your piece .was the best advice ive read yet . maybe you should be an agony aunt for women

William Nicholson responded:

I think novelists are agony aunts/uncles in a way - what we try to do is understand what goes on inside people and share that understanding - if anyone's willing to listen. But the great thing about doing it in a book is no one has to read it. Books find their readers. Thanks for getting in touch.

Posted by HD

November 7th 2010

Dear Mr. Nicholson, Are any of your characters based on members of your family? and does your writing bring you closer to your children? HD

William Nicholson responded:

What a great question about my children. I've not thought about it before, but yes, I think my writing does bring me closer to my children. They read most of my books, and join in discussions about my works in progress, and I'm sure this tells them much more about me that they would otherwise ever know. And yes, I do base parts of characters on my parents, children, friends, and so on - but only parts. There's no single full-scale portrait.

Posted by Sofie

November 7th 2010

William - You have changed my life with two sentences. I have been able to put a perspective on why a man in a committed relationship would have an affair. Thank you and now I plan to buy the book (All the Hopeful Lovers). "The act of sex happens outside himself. It’s something he throws away." rom: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1325947/William-Nicholson-A-mans-view-ultimate-betrayal.html

William Nicholson responded:

I'm grateful for your response. I know not everyone welcomes my views, but it's good to know that some do. You'll find in the book there's much more from the man's point of view about the process of having an affair (and from the woman's). I hope you find it of some value, or at least, of some interest.

Posted by Lee

November 7th 2010

Fantastic view on ‘why men betray’. Now imagine your lovely wife having 'just a fling' with another man. It should not bother you because she, of course, doesn't love him. Don't worry though she will come home to you. Thing is could you really accept it?!! Cheating is wrong, end of. Stop writing shit and stop filling venerable peoples head full of shit.

William Nicholson responded:

Sorry if I didn't make myself clearer in my article for the Mail on Sunday's You magazine. Everything I suggested that means a woman might manage to accept a man's infidelity applies the other way round, to a man accepting his wife's infidelity. Could I accept it if it happened to me? I don't know, but I hope so. My relationship with my wife is very strong, and I'd be losing more than I could bear if I were to break with her. I would not, I think, reject her if she were unfaithful. She would have to order me away, and under such circumstances probably would. I realise that you believe, simply and clearly, that cheating is wrong. Yes, it is. The question is, when it happens, what do you do? Do you terminate what may be a long and deeply intertwined relationship. I think your answer is yes, cheating is a non-negotiable breach of trust, and no marriage can survive it. You may be right - certainly I can't and don't claim any superior knowledge to yours - but I hope there are ways that some marriages can survive even such a crisis.

Posted by victoria

November 7th 2010

i love your wind on fire trilogy, its absolutley delightful. thanks for the awesome read.

William Nicholson responded:

Thanks for the awesome compliment.